Makes you wonder

Well, visited with Grandma(sort of) after we got there, they took her for some tests then moved her to another room. Not quite sure what is wrong completely yet. Got to eat in the cafeteria there, it was pretty good. I had a cheeseburger, onion rings, some soup and a coke from the machine(gotten earlier).

I've gotten into re-reading the Left Behind Books. And I've realized I'm not perfect and God does forgive us. But whats annoying is, I like others, do stuff and don't want to think of it. Like the leaders of a group I belonged to, getting up there and preaching the Word, yet do the exact opposite, talking about others behind there back and such. And I realize, they weren't that great and were hypocritical at time. I am who I am, and you can't and shouldn't try to change that. I am how God wanted me to be. So what if you don't like it, I don't care.

I took ALpha last semester, but my heart wasn't into it.
I had gotten fired twice from two different jobs, was having no luck finding something else, was attending a church I don't even go do and not knowing anyone, which makes it even awkward. It was just a depressing time and no one seemed to have ideas on help. I lost some friends and even though I tried to apologize, they still are angry towards me. No one is perfect. IF you can't forgive, then its not my fault, I've done what I feel like God wanted me to do and the right thing. Grrr. Obviously you aren't christian or that great of a friend in the first place. And using my vulnerability isn't even better. YOu are not that great of a person in the first place and no one really cfares for you either. So don't take things out on me.

I also read them and wonder if theres something wrong or missing for me, yet I can't figure it out. I know I've accepted God, and understand what I need to do, yet sometimes worry b/c I look back and I was bad, but I know I've asked for forgiveness. But I think if I could find a job, have money to go out w/ friends, or to do somethign fun when I visit relatives, I know I could be happier. And also have a job I like. Not one where I got treated like shit, gossipped about and had a bitch of a boss. I was one of the damn best and if you can't realize it, fine. I still hear people are missing me and that I am one of the best that ever worked there. Just because some idiot doesn't know what a resignation letter is...grr. But, I have to move on, which is what I got to remember, let go of the past and move on, it all happens for God's reason.

On Tuesday I go to VR, in hopes of figuring where to get a job and such, but I think I want to go back to school next year and aquire more skills, I think that could brighten up the resume some.